This news is somewhat untimely given that sports at this time of year is usually dedicated to the NFL Draft, NBA playoffs, NHL playoffs, mountain climbing, soccer, kangaroo wrestling and Major League Baseball, usually in that order. However, a new, troubling development has occurred in the world of big time college football.
ESPN recently announced that four cities are applying to host college football bowl games, which would bring the number of bowl games from 39 to 43, which would allow 84 of the 127 FBS schools to participate in post-season play. Given that last year only 83 schools finished with records of 6-6 or better, it is inevitable some schools with losing records will be “rewarded” for their seasons.
The hierarchy of the bowls go somewhat like this: You have the prestigious bowl games (Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta, Cotton, Peach Bowls), the respectable bowls (Sun, Citrus, Liberty, Holiday, Outback Bowls), and The Who Gives A Crap Bowls (any bowl with more than four syllables). Recently The Who Gives a Crap Bowls have begun to spread like a noxious weed, and there’s little sign it will end.
As the number of bowls expand to attract middle-to-last place teams, the bowl names have gotten more obscure. You have the Heart of Dallas Bowl, which features the ninth-place Big 10 team against the Conference USA second-whatever placed team. The Foster Farms Bowl features the sixth-place Big 10 team against the fourth-place PAC 12 team. And the Bahamas Bowl, which despite its tropical location, attracts only a mid-level MAC team against a mid-level Conference USA team.
Frankly, it’s only a matter of time before the games get too obscure.
“Welcome to The Bob’s Shady Payday Loan Company and Margaret’s Two-for-One Flower Shop Spoiled Pistachio Bowl presented by Satan, held here in a random abandoned cattle barn 60 miles from society, in front of a raucous crowd of 30 drunken vagrants and angry badgers.”
“Bob, this game features an exciting matchup between the 1-10 Northsoutheastern Maryland Agnostic Barbershop Quartet School and a random bunch of soccer players from Kazakhstan who were cobbled together for the sake of this television event, which is sure to be watched by more people than any World Series game.”
“Northsoutheastern Maryland Agnostic Barbershop Quartet was outscored by their opponents 2-369, with the lone two points coming from their 2-0 victory over the Mother Teresa’s Daycare Center for Young Girls.”
“Bob, their quarterback, Tim Tebow, has set a record for incomplete passes, interceptions, and hit spectators and has a quarterback rating of negative 362 — keep in mind the mathematical minimum is 0.”
As the college football playoff begins to take shape, hopefully the Russian knapweed that is excessive college football bowl games will be tempered. If not, I’ll put $500 on the Kazakhstani soccer players.