Bye Week Blues

Bye week is a strange week. Well, unless you’re normal, then it’s just like any other week. But for someone like me it can be a depressing time.

 

For one, the Bobcats are winless during bye week. Dakota Prukop, despite his sensational year so far, failed to amass any yards of offense, a first for the year. He’s not alone; other Bobcat quarterbacks like DeNarius McGhee, Travis Lulay and Kelly Bradley have also suffered yardless performances during bye week. The only upside is the defense as the Bobcat defense has been lights out during bye weeks past, surrendering literally no offensive yards. So overall it doesn’t feel like we’ve lost, but it doesn’t feel like we’ve won either.

 

The central problem for the football fan is that weeks after working one’s self into a rhythm of game watching, a bye week can throw someone into a strange funk. To combat this, I’ve devised a list of activities to keep the football fan content until the next game:

Read a book, write a book, realize you have no business writing a book, take a walk, take a ride and take a nap while taking a walk. Eat a bagel, go for a hike, write angry letters to Jimmy Fallon, ride your bike, pet a stray cat, get treated for rabies, contemplate your eventual mortality as well as the idea, concept and length of eternity. Eat a burrito, watch Gilmore Girls, yell at Lorelai for ditching Luke for Christopher (uh, spoiler alert) and ask yourself why a grown man is watching Gilmore Girls.

Eat French Fries, study the French language (Je me livre = I surrender!) and purchase a French rifle (never fired, once dropped). Eat a hot pocket, throw stuff, debate Anglicanism vs. Calvinism and carve a Dalek into a pumpkin (which I actually did, it was glorious until the Dalek’s “telescopic manipulator arm” went limp, which is not uncommon for male Daleks in their 60s).

Finally, realize that, by and large, it is ridiculous that we attach so much as a shred of our happiness to the athletic performance of other people and realize that there is a world to explore and people who are waiting to foster life-long, meaningful friendships with you. There are mountains to hike, rivers to fish and relationships to cultivate.

With these ideas, we, the painfully-reliant-on-football fans, can break from our bye week blues and live full, meaningful, satisfying lives. I’ll do so right now . . . after I’m done watching Michigan vs. Michigan State.