A Gonzo Sports Column Investigating Fuel Conservation, Searching for a Sponsor, and Congratulating a Very Old Man and a Very Strong Woman.
At least 28 fans were injured Saturday at Daytona International Speedway during the final lap of the Nationwide series opener. A 12-car crash sent a wheel, an entire engine and debris into the stands as the 22-foot crash fence couldn’t stop the cars from breaking through. Two fans were rushed to the hospital in critical condition, one with life-threatening trauma to the head.
The fans will receive no refunds despite their injuries and will now be forced to sell their tickets, and probably for less than they’re worth. Fans will most certainly be afraid of sitting in that section even though the crash fence was repaired before Sunday’s race, the Daytona 500.
“America’s Race,” and every other for that matter, is a waste of nonrenewable resources and is the premiere example of mass corporatization and guerilla advertising. Nascar isn’t a sport. It’s a giant advertisement. It ceased being a sport when cars became billboards and drivers became spokespeople. All this talk of advertising is convincing me to sell this column to the highest bidder. How would you like it if this column was brought to you by ? I wouldn’t lose any sleep if ignorant rednecks couldn’t drink beer and watch cars go in circles every weekend. Just think how cheap fuel would be.
In a race that hurt no one, 101-year-old marathon runner Fauja Singh finished the Hong Kong 10K in 1 hour, 32 minutes and 28 seconds on Sunday. It was his final race, as the oldest marathon runner in the world is hanging up his sneakers. Singh is widely considered the oldest man ever to finish a marathon. He completed the Toronto marathon in 2011 at the age of 100, but has no birth certificate, so Guinness World Records snubbed him. Singh took up running to take his mind off the death of his son, who he saw decapitated by windblown debris while farming. Singh will still attend races when invited, but will no longer compete.
Finally, I want to give a shoutout to Ronda Rousey, who defended her women’s UFC title on Saturday with an armbar submission in the first round against Liz Carmouche. Rousey, a former U.S. Olympian in judo, remains undefeated at 7-0 and has finished every fight with the same armbar submission. She is the bright future of women’s UFC.