Bikes and Boards only on Campus; Walking Deemed Unsafe

For the last several years MSU has allowed the use of bikes, longboards and skateboards anywhere on campus. Recently, however, this has begun to cause problems with those walking around campus. There are simply too many people on campus to allow bikes, longboards, skateboards and walking to coexist.

Dean of Students Matt Shares said, “We simply cannot accommodate all four of these transportation types on campus. Something must be done.”

The ASMSU student government passed a bill last week to fix this problem.  “We believe the solution for this new crisis is to disallow walking on campus,” said Ima Winer, ASMSU student spokesperson.  “This will remove accidents involving the efficiently travelling bikers and boarders running into the slower pedestrian traffic.”  In addition, ASMSU believes that by making walking illegal, there will no longer be a need for the debated bike safety patrol officers.

By removing the pedestrians from campus there will also be more room for the student population to continue growing.  “The students who walk on campus are so numerous that there is almost no space to get around their slow movements,” said Shares.  “Students are much faster on bikes and boards, allowing for more free space on campus.”

Faculty members across campus are excited for two reasons.  One, students will get to class on time because they will be using a faster mode of transportation. The second reason is that by not allowing students to walk to class, only the students who care about class will develop the necessary skills to ride or board to class and therefore only the motivated students will be present in their lectures.

“If you think about it, it makes perfect sense to pass this law, no one wants to see a repeat of last year’s incident.” said Winer, referring to the student who used the ramp at the end of centennial mall to force a bicyclist over the railing to avoid a collision.  “The people who walk are the ones likely to get hurt around these alternative modes of transportation. If you remove the pedestrians from campus, they cannot get hurt by the people on bikes and boards.”

The MSU administration is expected to pass a university law to disallow all forms of foot traffic within the next few weeks.  For updates on the “Ban Walking” debate check out