Opinion Writer Confidently Upholds his Recollection of 2015

As far as semesters go, Fall 2015 was pretty stirring, most notably with the stepping down of the student body president. However, for all the negatives surrounding a semester, there are plenty of positives. Both the MSU administration and its students have gone to tremendous lengths to improve the success of the university throughout the term. Here are a few examples from an eventful fall semester:

A Dangerous Campus

There has been an increase in bear encounters on campus over the past few semesters. To alleviate fears and further strengthen enrollment and retention rates, MSU began offering sex education to the bear community. Though student health services offered free condoms, bears were often unaware of their proper use. Studies have shown that nearly all sexual intercourse among wildlife goes unprotected. With access to safe-sex resources, it is believed that the bear community will gain a better understanding of how to prevent unwanted pregnancy, thus dropping the number of bear births. A decline in the bear birth rate means a decline in bear encounters.

Leigh Lounge

The Strand Union Building (SUB) is the beating heart of MSU’s culture. From sitting down to an overpriced lunch to seeking medical attention for stab wounds, the value of the facility is immeasurable. The SUB also houses Leigh Lounge. A true illustration of the student psyche, Leigh Lounge offers refuge to inert students with a selection of beds in the guises of couches. Though sleep deprived and fatigued, students still find it difficult to fall asleep. Most students have identified silence as a key issue.

“What we really need is more people coming in and savagely banging away at the keys on the piano,” Stuart “Stu” Dent, an MSU senior, stated. “Honestly, what good is a piano if a random passerby doesn’t stop to play an out-of-tune version of Chopsticks?”

The random, self-proclaimed pianist is a dying breed, becoming more and more scarce with each semester. MSU student Richard Head claims to be doing his part. “Please, everyone calls me Dick,” the freshman reiterated. “I just see people in there trying to sleep next to an unoccupied piano and I feel this obligation to soothe the environment by beating at the keys like a wild primate.”

The student body is advocating for more good samaritans like Head to do their part.

Saving Face

Several students have been victims of embarrassment by attending the wrong course. The situation is most commonly noticed at the beginning of a semester, when students are adjusting to their new schedules. Most students leave the moment they discover they are in the wrong course. Some stay the length of the lecture due to shame. One student, however, will continue his attendance throughout the semester. Sophomore Avery Day Mann has no intentions of seeking his correct course and plans to stick it out through the remainder of the semester in the wrong course.

“Modern Literature and Advanced Phonetics in Ancient Swahili is where I meant to be,” exercise science major Mann insisted.

When asked if he needed assistance locating his correct course, Mann claimed that he never asks for directions and refused a campus map.

A Semester in Review

Ducks and bobcats and bears, oh my, what a semester to recap! From beginning to end, this fall’s most exciting news coverage centered around Romney Gym. With all that has passed and everything yet to come, students and faculty alike are lucky to have boarded the exuberant rollercoaster that is MSU.