Exponent explains: The true story of the cow and the cupola

The U.S. Air Force, operating out of Area 69, has released a previously top-secret document detailing the true events surrounding the Montana Hall cupola removal. The report, previously held in military vaults buried deep within the Bridger Mountain Range, reveals an experiment gone wrong, alien abduction and a series of coverups.

 

According to the document, professors in the College of Agriculture, and the then recently instated College of Engineering, had worked together to “study the phenomenon of UFO cow abductions around Montana.” The study attempted to make contact with aliens in order to research their cow-abducting practices. The report details how the researchers placed a cow in the cupola of Montana Hall in an attempt to attract aliens. “Montana Hall was selected due to its status as the tallest point in the surrounding area,” the document stated.

 

On the night of Sept. 13, 1914, researchers led a cow, named Bevley, up into the cupola. Although all notes and data of the night have been since destroyed, the Air Force report confirmed an alien abduction that subsequently destroyed the cupola.

 

Until recently, the official statement regarding the removal of the cupola was that in 1914, the cupola and spire were removed due to deficiencies in structural integrity. Those who saw the incident were told to keep quiet under threat of receiving out-of-state tuition prices. One photograph, released along with the Air Force report, was confiscated by the military quickly after the incident. The silence order was not able to keep rumors of a cow in the cupola from spreading around campus, however, although the details were distorted.

 

Previously, campus tour-guides told visitors a story of students leading a cow to the top of Montana Hall, resulting in a removal of the cupola to retrieve the cow. The tour-guide scripts have now been changed to reflect the true story of alien abduction.

Photo Illustration by Valerie Seelye