YELL CLUB TEACHES LIFE LESSONS AT HIGH VOLUME

MSU’s Yell Club started one fateful fall afternoon when a gentleman came to campus laden with bibles and a passion to change the sinful, procreating ways of the students at MSU. Campus is a total free speech zone so the gentleman was within his rights and until now, his actions had gone on without any consequences. He set up shop, unloaded his box of bibles, stretched his vocal chords and began preaching, well screaming is really more like it.

Regardless of how it was viewed, the man huffed and he puffed and he explained until he was blue in the face. Some students passed on but some stopped and then the most appalling thing happened, they had a conversation. The preacher and the small conglomerate sat down on the lawn of the MSU mall, had a cup of tea and talked about the sins that were circulating on campus, they reached an agreement and peacefully parted ways. “It had to have been just terrible to watch” stated MSU Yell Club President Bob Longwinded. “No yelling, no difference of opinion, just communication.”

At the time that all of this was going on group of students walked by and saw the civilized scene taking place and they were stunned. They decided at that moment that MSU needed a club where students could come together and practice yelling their opinions to the world because talking peaceably just would not do. MSU’s Yelling Club was born with the slogan ‘Yell for Hell.’ Since its initial meeting the club has only grown. Longwinded estimates the club now has between 10 and 12,000 student members. “We are organized and professional” Longwinded added.

The club has monthly meetings where they work on articulation and slobber control. “Everyone hates a slobbery yeller, it just puts a damper on the whole mood of things,” Longwinded explained. A perk of being a member of the Yell Club is the free container of mace that comes with your membership activation. Proper aiming of the product is taught along with coordination so one can perform a drive by spraying. MSU President Waldo Cruzaldo stated that the Yell Club was a great way for MSU students to get involved in universities going on and is recommending that membership be required upon acceptance to MSU. For more information on the club, students can meet on the MSU mall and look for a crowd surrounding a man with bibles preaching about sin.

Editor’s note: This article appeared in the March 31, 2016 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fools’ edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact ExponentEditor@montana.edu or (406)994-2224.