I am Dexter Quackmire. I am a resident of the MSU Duck Pond. I have a big problem with the most recent Badass of the Week in the Excrement. My first issue is that none of my fellow waterfowl have the name Cheesers McQuakers. If you were going to use a pseudonym, I would assume it would have "quack" in it. Check your facts.
You have also inaccurately portrayed my people in your article. We are a proud species and begging for bread is simply not something we do. Yes, we swarm people young and old if we see bread — however, this is out of hunger.
You say that if Cheesers could do anything for a day, he would vandalize a bread shop. We are not violent. If I could do anything for a day, I would personally fly up to the girl that I love from the bakery who feeds me bread and spill my heart to the best of my ability. If you were going to highlight a duck for Badass of the Week, you could have at least picked one with 654 friends on Facebook (add me! www.facebook.com/dquackmire).
I would have preferred you choose a real duck with social networking skills rather than an impostor. I hope the only use people get out of that article is to line their birdcage.
Editor’s Note: The article in question misspelled McQuacker’s name as “McQuaker” in the headline and photo caption. The Exponent Staff regrets the confusion.