New football entertainment to begin next fall

Montana State University President Waldo Cruzaldo partnered with Athletic Director Paul Grass in a multi-million dollar decision last Wednesday, March 23. The duo helped forge an agreement with Bob’s Kinesthetic Holographic Aided Technology (Bob’s K.H.A.T.) in order to help ramp up school spirit at games during halftime. Installation is scheduled to begin immediately, with the technology expected to be up and running by late July for test runs.

Bob’s K.H.A.T. technology is a holographic projection system that is designed to provide a holographic visual of a performance on the football field. This will not only provide entertainment during halftime, but also during media timeouts, medical timeouts, sponsored timeouts and any other sort of timeout possible. “Not only will this new age technology keep people in the stands during halftime, but it will help attract more than just football fans to the games,” Montana State Head Football Coach Chet Jacket said.

While this technology seems to be undermining the marching band, they have adapted well to the upcoming changes. “As a program we can now focus more on tailgating, parades and interactions within the stands,” Spirit of the West Director Peyton Spark said. Jimboy Tibbs, a junior in the band, says that he will now be able to focus on indulging in more hot dogs during halftime. “I will no longer have to try and cram two hotdogs down my throat but can take halftimes to leisurely enjoy them,” Tibbs said. Members of the band will be able to record and study these holographic performances to perfect their own marching technique that can now be used for more energetic parades, pep rallies and school-wide events. “I believe this is a VIM-tastic improvement,” Spark said.

The holographic performances themselves can be pre-programmed and feature virtual performers styled after the Spirit of the West marching band, Yellowstone wildlife, or giant sized bobcat kittens. Performers will dance and play any recorded song with perfection, and can be programmed to create intricate drill patterns as well. Yellowstone wildlife pretty much will just stand there, and kittens will either nap or play with larger balls of string. While traditional colors are a default setting, staff members can change the colors of the holograms to fit a certain theme.

“These new advancements in technology will not only change the face of halftime shows at Montana State, but will ultimately bring MSU together in the name of school spirit,” Cruzaldo said.  From navy blue to pure gold, Cruzaldo and Grass have brought a new era of halftime performances to Bobcat Stadium.
“Editors note: this article appeared in the March 31, 2016 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fool’s edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact editor@exponent.montana.edu or (406)994-2224.”