Head football coach fired after failure to win championship

Montana State University announced Thursday, March 24, that after a short tenure as head football coach, Chet Jacket’s contract has been terminated, effective immediately. Jacket, who was brought in because of his success as an assistant coach at the University of Washington and Boise State, has not yet won a championship, or even any games.

After just a few spring practices it was clear to outgoing Athletic Director Paul Grass that he had to make the decision. “Just a few weeks into spring-ball we could tell he wasn’t maintaining the level of expectations of our fans and everybody associated with the program. For us it doesn’t matter if you are the winningest coach in history or haven’t coached a game.” Grass continued, “We just need to have some sort of appearance of being a bigger and better program than we really are.” President Waldo Cruzaldo informed school officials on Thursday saying “We currently have our largest amount of freshman ever in our history and were are not going to let the 40 percent who make it to graduation here at MSU watch a struggling football team,” she said.

After a 5-6 record last year the Bobcats will be an unknown going into next season with its third coaching staff in a matter of six months. It will remain to be seen which players will stay with another coaching change. How many Bobcats will follow the supreme leadership of former MSU quarterback South Dakota Prukop and leave for greener gridiron? This will remain to be seen as the university moves forward.

Football head coach Coat dreams of winning a football championship. Photo illustration by Nicole Smith
Football head coach Coat dreams of winning a football championship. Photo illustration by Nicole Smith

To many this may come as a surprise move by Montana State but not to those closely related to the organization. A Board of Regents member, who requested to remain anonymous due to his position, stated, “We are more a business than university, we can look at the profit margins from previous years when the football team was successful and know we make more money. Character and morality be damned, they will respect us when we win!” He further declared “When we have a 84 percent acceptance rate, overcrowding in dorms, packed classrooms, a lost Carnegie classification, over-stressing an entire city, combined with the high price of education, we have to have a successful football team in order to make people forget about our problems as an institution.” A search committee will be assembled in the upcoming weeks as Montana State is again on the prowl for another head football coach. Sources report that recently fired coach Bob Dust might still be free.  
“Editors note: this article appeared in the March 31, 2016 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fool’s edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact editor@exponent.montana.edu or (406)994-2224.”