5 Minutes Before Taco Bell

5 minutes before Taco Bell:

You know what sounds amazing right now? A good old meal from my favorite place, Taco Bell. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I am about to have the best meal in my life. I can’t even contain my drool right now just thinking about that soft shell taco with its melted cheese and so much more. Yum!

Taco Bell is the most absolutely perfect place to take a date, your family or just to grab a snack. Do you hear bells ringing? Well you should because Taco Bell also caters weddings! Which if my future wife doesn’t want, well then she isn’t the one for me.

Have I not mentioned the the great amount of nutrition that come from Taco Bell? It is simply the best — they almost have every food group. The only one missing is fruits, but you can get that in their new salads constructed by a real chef.

The best thing about Taco Bell is the unbelievable low prices. Only 99 cents for a crunchy taco is a steal. I am so hungry I can’t stop drooling; I look like a bulldog waiting for my bowl of food. This is going to be so great.

I almost forgot about Taco Bell’s amazing service: they greet you with a smile. They always ask me if I want some hot sauce and even give me extra napkins when I order a meal for a family, even though it’s just for me. I also enjoy the convenience of their hours. They are one of the only places in town open late for when I get those late-night munchies.

Oh, it’s my turn to get some food so I am going to go chow down on my family sized-portion of crunchy tacos and cheese quesadillas. If you are looking for a quick yummy place to fill your undeniably hungry tummy, go to Taco Bell. That’s why I give it five out of five yummy crunchy tacos.

5 hours after Taco Bell:

Why did I do this to myself? This was the worst idea of my life, even worse than the time I tied jeans together to sneak out of my house from two stories up or the time I tried to make my own skateboarding helmet out of wood and screws.

You must never go to Taco Bell. It is a terrible idea for anyone who tries it.

When I finally ate my crunchy tacos and quesadillas, I instantly knew it was a mistake. My stomach felt like I had chugged a gallon of milk. I couldn’t believe how many calories I consumed. It’s terrible, I already have a muffin top, now that’s all I am going to be after eating this meal. If I put this in numbers, I would have to run the New York Marathon twice just to work off the calories. That’s 48 miles folks.

I also didn’t get what I ordered. Instead of four cheese quesadillas, I only got one and four bean burritos. Not only that, all the veggies on my tacos were old as if they were sitting under florescent bulbs all day. Worst of all I didn’t even get asked if I wanted hot sauce.

Right now it feels like a burning bowl of lava sitting in my belly. I haven’t felt pain this bad since I had a bleeding ulcer. This is so painful-all I want to do is bash them on Twitter, too bad I only have two followers; one of those is my mom.

Although I can’t complain about the price, Taco Bell really is a steal.

I can’t explain the pain I am feeling now. I highly suggest that you never go to this place. I don’t care if Taco Bell is the only place open after 12 a.m. Get yourself some Easy Mac, Top Ramen or anything. Just stock up on junk food; please stay away and save yourself from the belly-churning pain that I am experiencing. Thats why I am giving this two antacids out of five.