Local man Terry Brown confirmed this morning that it was, in fact, Valentine’s Day. Brown woke up like it was any other day, but was greeted by a pleasant postcard with hearts on it upon stepping out of his apartment.
“Well, would you look at that,” Brown said, who is the father of none and partner to no one. “I guess it’s Valentine’s Day.”
According to sources, Brown had been perfectly content with his mundane morning of plain Cheerio’s and Folger’s coffee before he went to check the mail.
“Now that I think of it, I guess I’m not really living my life to the fullest,” Brown stated as he picked out a shirt from the dirty laundry hamper.
“Maybe, I could try to meet someone. After work today, I’m going to go downtown and talk to the first person I see.” Upon resolving to invigorate his social life, Brown quickly devolved in to personal doubt. “Oh god, what if they ask me about myself? I’ll have to tell them that my only hobbies are watching ‘Seinfeld’ reruns and collecting rare coins.”
Brown, who complains about having no free time to meet new people, is on his fifth re-watch of the sitcom.
“Actually, I have some frozen chicken nuggets in the freezer that are about to expire, so tonight is probably not a great night to go out,” Brown reasoned after being gripped by insecurity. “I’ll just go out another night. It’ll be fine.”