Recently, President Waldo Cruzaldo announced that her days of being president are coming to an end. She has decided it is about time that she hang up her hat and leave Montana State University. Instead of being the president of this fine university, she has decided to pick up a snapback hat, buy some gold chains and release her own rap album under the surname “Lil Wad.”
She explained that rap has always been her true calling. “Ever since I moved to Montana, I have found a certain fondness for rap music,” Lil Wad said. “It wasn’t up until recently, however, that I have decided to assert my passion and create my own rap album. The beautiful scenery of the state was able to inspire me to write lyrics. As I started writing more, my love for Montana State University became the primary focus of my rhymes. This school and state has inspired me better than anything ever could.”
In early 2013, with the help of the Bozeman underground rap scene (which is primary run through the Rocking Q Bar), Lil Wad was able to release a mixtape consisting primarily of songs written about Montana. However, the mixtape didn’t sell well due to most listeners thinking the rhymes were “too soft” or “lacking depth or backstory.” Tormented by these negative reviews, Lil Wad went on a hiatus as she went back to the drawing board to tune her sound to appeal to the abundance of rap listeners in Bozeman. After three years of work, she has found a new sound that is grittier and has stories about her life at MSU.
“If I’m being honest, hearing the things people said about my passion made me realize that rapping is a lot more than just making different things rhyme to an interesting beat,” Wad said. “Being the president of a university made me want to set a positive image for myself, so I tried to avoid swearing. I was looking up to rappers like Will Smith or Chiddy Bang for lyrical content, and I believe it made me come across as soft. Since then, I have started to listen to Tyler the Creator, Tech N9ne and Kanye West to improve my lyrics. Although the new style is better, I think it’s best for me to not be the president of a university when the album is released.”
Lil Wad has all of her lyrics ready for her new album written and needs to wait until retirement to begin recording. She plans to release her first full-length studio album, “Blue & Gold Digger,” in November of this year. Her songs are primarily about the university and how it has turned her into a “more hard” person. She plans her lead single for “Blue & Gold Digger” to be about the mentality of Montana State and everything about the students that makes it unique, entitled “Montana State of Mind.” Some of the other songs from the album include “Cat Fight,” where she talks about how she makes her haters bleed blue and gold, and “V.I.M.” She says that listeners will be more impressed with her new flow and sound, as it will appeal to the audience in a way she never could before.
Hopefully, Lil Wad won’t pull a Dr. Dre and will actually release her album on time. She has been a great president to the university and her managerial skills should ensure “Blue & Gold Digger” will be fire.
Editors note: this article appeared in the March 31, 2016 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fool’s edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact firstname.lastname@example.org or (406)994-2224.”