Timberlake’s latest is ode to new home

Hot on the heels of news that star Justin Timberlake has purchased a home in Big Sky with his wife, Jessica Biel, Timberlake has recently announced that he has already completed a new album in tribute to his new home. The album, entitled “The 406 Experience,” is set to hit shelves in May. However, Timberlake has already released advanced copies to local news outlets in the hopes of earning the stamp of approval from Montanans.

“I could care less what the execs in LA say about it,” Timberlake said during an interview. “This one is for Montana. If my neighbors like [the new album], then I’m happy.”

But will they like it? Will anyone like it? That seems to be the question on everyone’s minds. From the start of the new album, it’s clear Timberlake has strayed from the pop repertoire he is known for and veered into territory unfamiliar to both him, his fans and possibly the entire history of music. The opening track, “Cry Me a River (Runs Through It),” is a strange 12-minute ode to fly fishing and Robert Redford. The song blends modern country with eighties pop, folk rock, traditional Native American music, and — for some reason — a Viking funeral dirge.

“It’s just … what I heard when I first looked at the mountains,” Timberlake said, adjusting his bolo tie before gazing pensively into the distance.

However, the standout track on the album is definitely “The Other JT,” a tribute to Montana senator Jon Tester. The song features Timberlake’s familiar falsetto accompanied by a full orchestra and is punctuated by excerpts from Tester’s campaign ads. “The Other JT” is lavish yet incredibly moving — so much so that after it leaked in Washington, it inspired two Republicans to switch parties and at least one other to get a crew cut.

Another sure-fire hit is “(Not) Bringing Sixty Back,” which is a fiery crusade against lowering speed limits. With its catchy hook and emphasis on local values, the song is winning over even the most skeptical of Montanans.

“The other day, I was humming those lyrics — oh, you know how it goes,” one local rancher said. “‘We’ve got the speeds other states do lack/ there’s no way they’re bringing sixty back’ yada yada yada … anyway, that was the moment I realized Justin Timberlake had replaced Merle Haggard as my favorite musician.”

Also worth checking out is Timberlake’s duet with John Mayer. The latter artist had been looking to pay tribute to Montana for some time now but had found the prospect of writing an entire album “intimidating” and “potentially career-ending.”

“I’ve had a house here for a few years now,” Mayer said. “I love Montana so much that I named my last album ‘Paradise Valley.’ I thought that was enough. Never did I even consider creating something on the scale of ‘The 406 Experience.’ Timberlake, though? He didn’t hesitate. He’s a master.”

Plenty of Montanans think so. Big Timber residents have already petitioned to have their town name formally changed to “Big Timberlake,” while lakeside residents across the state are fighting for their lake to be the official Timber Lake.

“The 406 Experience” will be available for digital download and in-store purchase on May 1.

“Editors note: this article appeared in the March 26, 2015 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fool’s edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact editor@exponent.montana.edu or (406)994-2224.”

To see more satirical articles from the Exponent, visit http://msuexponent.com/culture/excrement-culture/