Golden Corral to be built in the SUB

Students and staff have voiced mixed reactions after ASMSU unveiled their plans to build a Golden Corral restaurant within the SUB. ASMSU has worked closely with administrators in the past few months and has deemed building a Golden Corral their top priority issue. The Golden Corral will demand the majority of the student government’s resources for many years to come, as ASMSU will be providing a large amount of funding for the project.

When asked about their opinion on a new buffet option in the SUB, sophomore Matthew Burninglimb said, “Mashed potatoes, meatloaf and fried chicken at one location, that’s my kind of restaurant!”

Administrators voiced support for the installation of a Golden Corral franchise in the SUB, stating that it will benefits MSU’s campus and students. “After expanding Miller Dining Hall, building new freshmen housing and the construction of the Jake Jabs building, what we really need now is more construction and reformation on campus,” stated Walty Zangizar, director of campus planning, design and construction.

With Golden Corral offering over 35 daily menu items and varied salad bar, ASMSU believes it would be an attractive addition to the campus environment. It would also provide another place where students could bond over a hot meal said Zangizar.

SUB Director Dutch Bamberger proclaimed that the addition of a Golden Corral buffet would increase traffic to the SUB and have a positive impact on the revenue generated by the facility. Although, Bamberger had no comment concerning the cost of funding the project. He stated, “I am excited to have another dining option available for my lunch hour, sometimes a man really needs a large buffet to satisfy his hunger.”

School administrators, including Director of University Communications Kacy Fellig, have declared the project the “renovation of the decade.” Fellig also said that the Golden Corral will “usher in a new age of hope and prosperity for Montana State University.”

The building of the Golden Corral is expected to begin shortly after finals week and will take place for a full calendar year. ASMSU senators have ensured minimal inconveniences for students and recently confirmed that the only buildings to be closed will be the SUB and the MSU Library. Project managers expect that student life will proceed as usual during the project’s unfolding despite the lack of a library or student building.

Several school clubs and programs have voiced opposition to the Golden Corral. There has been a prominent stance of anti-Golden Corral propaganda coming from the Outdoor Recreation Program (ORP). The ORP is angered that the Golden Corral has been granted greater importance than the outdoor sportsmen and women of MSU. There has been a growing demand for more outdoor programs, rental gear and an expansion of the on campus climbing wall, and this Golden Corral, according to ORP’s director Bryan Diesel, is “blatantly denying the ORP of much needed resource allocation.”

Despite the conflict that has arisen around this buffet-style addition to campus, the project will proceed forward as planned. ASMSU Senate and Leadership team are excited to share this sodium rich buffet with all of campus. Future ASMSU president Gweny Sasmsuk voiced her excitement saying, “We at ASMSU look forward to shifting our full attention towards Golden Corral and what the project demands.”

“Editors note: this article appeared in the March 26, 2015 edition of the Exponent, the “Excrement”. The edition is the annual April Fool’s edition of the paper. All articles are satire. For questions and comments please contact editor@exponent.montana.edu or (406)994-2224.”