How to be a great lover

Do you want to be happier, and contribute to your partner’s happiness? Do you want to have really great sex? Awesome, then you’re reading the right article. I have one very important word for you, it will be the key to happiness, greatness and sexiness for the rest of your life. That magic word is: communication.

Yes, I know, you have already had the communication talk; it’s getting old. But this particular discussion can help you have a better sex life, and who doesn’t want better sex? Communication about sex can lead to greater intimacy and help you feel closer to your partner.

Initiate conversation with your partner before you get to the bedroom. It is important to know each other’s likes and dislikes, comfort level, if one or both partners have a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and where the relationship goes from there. Talking about likes and dislikes can help you avoid certain aspects of sexual activity that you may be uncomfortable with, and let your partner know how you like to be handled. It’s important to do this every time you engage in sex, as you may be in the mood for something different. Make sure to know about any STIs and the last time your partner got checked, so you can be aware of your chances of contracting one. This conversation can let both partners know that they’re on the same page. If you each have a different idea of what’s happening, it can lead to a lot of regret later. Be honest with your partner; honesty really is the best policy, especially concerning sexual intimacy.

If either of you is even slightly uncomfortable with sexual contact, you need to discuss your feelings with your partner. If you are engaging in sexual play, ask if what you are doing is acceptable, or tell your partner how you feel about what they’re doing to you. Do not only account for verbal signs — take your partner’s body language into account. Any sign of discomfort means that you need to stop what you are doing and discuss what is happening and what your boundaries are. If you respect your partner’s boundaries, you will be seen as a great lover.

Below are suggestions for starting a conversation with your partner. If you find yourself suddenly unable to form syllables, just show them this article. I’m sure they’ll get the point.

How to Talk to Your Partner:

Give a little smile, look deep into their eyes, and say, “I think you’re really great, and that you deserve to have the best that I can give.”

  • If you have an STI: “I have (STI name here). I’m telling you this so that you know that we can be open and honest with each other and so that you know what symptoms might appear if you get it. And I can use protection for as long as you want me to.”
  • Talking about sex: “So tell me, what are you into? How can I help turn you on? If there is anything I should avoid doing, let me know, because I want you to enjoy yourself.”
    • “I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you, I do. I’m really attracted to you, I’m just not ready for us to have sex yet. I want to establish our relationship more before we get that intimate.”
    • “I won’t pressure you into having sex. I care about you and want you to be comfortable, so we’ll hold off until you’re ready — if and when you are.”