Student purchases tiger on service trip

A service group on campus made the journey to Thailand over spring break and bit off more than the could chew. Initially, the trip was only to provide small villages with clean water. Upon discovering a tiger in need, one student decided to go the extra mile.

“When I saw her mangy fur and hungry eyes, I knew I had to act.” student and newly minted zookeeper Grant Ostgander said. Ostgander is well known as a local party host with an affinity for bright, shiny objects and Jameson Irish whiskey. At least one of those traits will help him connect with his new striped friend.

The service group completed their initial mission of well digging despite their new goals. Ostgander, a trip supervisor specializing in watching people work, was ensuring proper shovel technique when he first spotted the tiger relaxing in the village square.

“Our group approached the village chieftain and asked about bringing the tiger home, and he told us it would come at a steep price” Ostgander said. The final bargain or contract for the tiger is unknown, but it included a pact for the group to never again bring guilty-minded Americans to a pristine village, as the chieftain feared they would bear foreign plights such as Wal-Mart and obesity.

Ostgander ran into several issues with customs on his way back to the United States but was unperturbed. Although he was forced to miss an entire week of class, he didn’t mind the extra time in Thailand.

“I’m just glad to have the opportunity to help those who truly need it.” Ostgander said, stretched out on a pristine beach. Ostgander is reportedly refurbishing his home to accommodate for his new feline compatriot. In unrelated news, Ostgander’s dog, Harlem, has mysteriously gone missing.