If you heard sirens this week on campus you weren’t day dreaming. A freshman with an undeclared major was hospitalized earlier this week due to intense stress. When asked about what made him collapse Ferris Smith responded with “It’s all these darn acronyms, I can’t handle them all. There is QSA, VCB, EPS, SUB, AJM, STD, YOLO, LOL (Insert more Acronyms Editors underneath Please) and the worst one of them ASMSU! My brain started to overload then I started convulsing on the floor.”
Dr. Gregory House says that this phenomenon is uncommon among college freshman, “Not all students make it to college with this neurological disorder. Acronymism spasms usually weed out people in their senior year of high school with the introduction of SAT and ACT.” Only one in a million with this disease make it to college but Dr. House said, “it’s lucky he is alive at all.”
Smith was hospitalized for three days conveniently missing his midterms and a paper that was due. More and more cases acronymism spasms are happening every year and are a real problem. The students in his class are worried and even started a fundraiser for Smith called “Save Ferris” but people were confused and thought it was a scam for some kid trying to skip school.
The drama even gone so far that people are trying to push a bill through ASMSU Senate to stop acronyms on campus. As far as the excrement knows, the papers were lost underneath the piles of paperwork already overloading their tables.
All people can hope for is the miracle that everything will be spelled out and stop causing spasms for Smith. You can donate to “Save Ferris” every Friday in the Strand Union Building or as the public knows it to be called SUB but please refrain from using the acronym around the donation table.