Fast food chains gain ground … meat

A lot of consumers worldwide have negative comments about fast food restaurants like Burger King and Subway. However, a recent article featured in the world-famous and highly-acclaimed culinary magazine “You Had Me At ‘More Meat’” has made a bold statement about a new development in popular fast food chains: the more meat featured in the advertising slogan, the more successful a new promoted product is.

Top chefs and researchers in the field of Fast Food Sciences reviewed recent findings to show that slogans like Subway’s “Five Dollar Footlong” and Burger King’s “It takes two hands to handle the whopper” are precisely 429.65% percent more effective for sales than product sold without the slogans. McDonald’s has already offered “5 Times the Meat” for one of their new, not yet released products. In other related surveys, findings show that all people really want is more meat. They commented “the more meat, the better” and “if there’s meat you can count me in!”

However, not everyone is willing to put aside their non-delicious, meat-lacking plates after the meaty slogans. Other sophisticated food consumers such as Anthony Bourdain share their dislike and disgust for these slogans, stating “I just don’t like it. Fast food restaurants are bastardizing the very thing that I stand for.” Then, Bourdain was asked to try a product and comment directly after. “I’m ashamed. I really didn’t want to like it and all that I’ve worked hard for in my life now seems almost to be a sham. The slogans now seem all too appropriate for the amount of meat they contain. Thank heavens I have two hands.” What people like Bourdain are quickly discovering is how much they can learn from fast food restaurant chains. It’s all about marketing and selling the best and, in this case, biggest and meatiest, product. These slogans catch the attention of the consumer and are actually pushing this meatier product through to the customer’s mouth.

Most people have already boarded the beef express and are on their way to meat town. Many large fast food corporation heads have commented that slogans are clever and creative but they don’t fulfill their sales quota. “Let me just have the opportunity to show you how much meat I can give,” stated one executive, commonly referred to as the Hamburglar. “A lot of meat is not for everyone. I want the consumer to know that I’m willing to make them happy no matter what amount of meat they require. Just give my meat a chance.”

Fast food restaurants have received many attacks on the quality they provide but they seem to be striving to combat that in any way possible. If they are to fail, it will not be due to lack of quantity, they certainly have enough meat to fulfill our country and then some. Large corporations are only looking out for meat intake and if they were to begin a new meat awareness campaign, for meatlovers and meat-haters alike, I’m sure an optional slogan will be created: “Give Our Meat A Chance”.