Foul play at MSU duck pond

If your route to class is anywhere by the duck pond, bring some mace. That’s right last Friday on Valentine’s Day a couple was attacked by a group of ducks. Harold Totter and Harmony Ginger were strolling by the duck pond on their first date only to be furiously attacked by the foul birds.

“We were out on our first date and we were attacked by ducks, definitely not my worst date but it sure makes the top five” Harold said with slight bruise on his face in the shape of rounded off rectangles.

Some scientists say that the recent activity in duck violence is due to the rapid weather fluctuations Bozeman has been experiencing. Neurobiology major Albert Mapplethorpe stated “It’s easy for ducks to be confused by the weather, from the rapid cold to the sunny days confuses the bird thinking that they might be transported suddenly to the south. If I was a duck it would ruffle my feathers if i thought I was down in the south as well.”

The recent rise in foul play has made MSU alumni scared and on their guard. The ASMSU senate even has a bill in the works to fluff out the situation by giving the ducks spa treatments and soothing music to calm them down. Also in the works, Fish, Wildlife and Parks rangers have been patrolling the pond to keep attacks to a minimum. Three other attacks have been reported this year and the campus has been warned that taking a different route may benefit their day. One thing is for sure, ducks don’t just physically fly South for the winter, their behavior migrates south as well.