Career Fair Causes hysteria, injuries

Less than an hour after walking into the career fair on Thursday, MSU senior Rob Mallow found himself being carried out on a stretcher.

The philosophy and art history double major, who plans on graduating this spring, collapsed after becoming disheartened by the lack of viable career options he faced. “Everyone said I’d never find a job,” Mallow said. “But it never sunk in until I was walking among all those booths and couldn’t find one person that wanted to talk to me.”

“I started thinking about the ‘real world’ and how maybe this was symbolic. Like, this is just a microcosm of reality and I have nothing to offer,” a still groggy Mallow said. “I guess the world just doesn’t need scholars as much as I thought.”

Political science junior Natalie Burke had a similar reaction to the fair. “I’m a political scientist who doesn’t want to be a politician — what’s out there for me?” she said.

“This happens every year,” said fair organizer Eliza Dungo. “These liberal arts kids come in here with their wrinkled suits and are optimistic about their opportunities, but they leave with their hearts broken.”

“We thought about just banning them from coming,” Dungo continued. “But the administration says we can’t do that. All we can do is give them barista applications and send them on their way.”

Despite having to assist out many liberal arts students, it was reported Thursday night that all engineering students left the fair with numerous interviews, job offers and free goodies.