Local Redneck and Out-of-State Hipster Compete in Political Quiz Competition

On Election Day, a political quiz competition was held in Bozeman between 23-year-old Robert Cleetus, a conservative agriculture student and 19-year-old Rufus Sullivan, a music major and a moderate liberal.

Cleetus and Sullivan agreed to challenge each other in a political quiz competition after a heated debate on campus the week before. “I’m gonna crush ‘dat puny lil’ lib’ral wit’ mah brillian’ thinkin’ skeels! ‘Merica!” Cleetus stated in a brief interview the day before the competition. “I’m not gonna, like, act cocky or anything, but may the best man win, brah,” said Sullivan.

The competition was held on Saturday in SUB Ballroom A and hosted by local DJ Mr. O’Grady. The prizes included a $100 Walmart gift card and nothing else. The competition was attended by a large, enthusiastic audience of all ages and parties. The questions were tough and interesting and, at the end of the competition, the winner was … nobody.

The game undoubtedly ended with Cleetus and Sullivan tying at 0-0 because they got all of the questions wrong. And when asked on what the difference was between “the national debt” and “the national deficit,” they both responded with, “pass.”

Cleetus and Sullivan answered every question incorrectly, including questions dealing with the topics of foreign policy, education, the military, the Constitution, American history, healthcare and songs about America. Nor could either of them name all 50 states.

Afterwards, everyone was disappointed and the contestants went home empty handed. “I feel lahk a fail’yer to mah cun’tree, mah family, and Jesus Almighty,” Cleetus said after the competition. “I’m a little disappointed, but at least I’m better than him.” stated Sullivan. “Besides, art is about being right, it’s about being cooler.” When asked to comment, Rep. Steve Daines said, “I’m not related to this article in any way, so my opinion is completely worthless.”