The Sexponent exists to advocate for healthy and good sex, but it rarely addresses people who aren’t having sex.
Going to school at Montana State University involves the social labyrinth of a little something called reality. This reality is often laced with stereotypes of what we “should” be doing. Combine that with peer pressure and whatever media you ingest, and there’s bound to be some anxiety about sex waiting to happen.
Don’t be afraid to start.
If you haven’t had sexual experiences yet, that’s not a problem or a bad thing. Don’t see a lack of experience as a negative — see it as a way to learn more. Everyone, at some point, gave their first blowjob (and got warned about teeth in the first 10 seconds), or had sex for the first time and discovered it wasn’t a cinematic wonder or earth-shatteringly-awesome experience. Everybody has a first time doing things and many people having sex are still doing things for the first time!
Listen to yourself.
How you choose to take charge of your sexual identity is important, even if you think you haven’t really built one yet. Think about what you want from an experience. It’s normal to be nervous — you’re not an automaton — but don’t let your nervousness stop you from enjoying yourself. Admit that you’re nervous to your partner, whether casual or otherwise.
[pullquote align=”right”]Be patient with yourself, love yourself and take it all in stride.[/pullquote]
Think things through.
If you want to experience a one night stand, be smart about it. Sexual experiences aren’t just a one-person show either (unless you’re masturbating), so keep that in mind. You’re doing things with another human being who might just be as nervous as you are.
If you aren’t ready to have sex, emotionally or otherwise, that’s completely normal and okay. Be patient with yourself, love yourself and take it all in stride. Also, don’t forget to relax and have fun if and when you decide you are ready
Have questions? Comments? Earth shattering thoughts? Want this column to address your specific question or topic? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and start a discussion.