The Romney Gym renovation was recently put on hold after two photography students claimed to have “literally” found proof of ghosts bouncing around in the gym. Katie Sedey and Damien Artful snuck into the old gym after hours to capture some photos on the full moon, but instead encountered a paranormal presence.
“All I saw was a basketball literally bouncing up and down all on its own!” explained Katie, who was later institutionalized. Damien added, “Not only was it moving on its own, but I swear it was coming for me.” This claim was later debunked by the slanted floor, which is going to be repaired in the remodel.
President Waldo Cruzaldo refused to respond to the allegations of the haunted basketballs, claiming construction was delayed due to missing equipment. This event has spurred the already-existing conspiracy theories of Romney Gym being built upon an ancient burial ground of sports balls.
Students gathered signatures and petitioned to have the GhostBusters solve the problem. Bill Murray released a statement saying he is “literally an actor” and GhostBusters was “literally a movie,” but Dan Aykroyd responded immediately and is literally scheduled to speak tonight.