Construction on the brand-new Jake Jabs College of Business and Entrepreneurship ran into an delay last week when an addition to the steam well punched into a vast underground tunnel network inhabited by a colony of highly-intelligent ducks.
Calling themselves the Order of the Mallard, the ducks chased construction workers away with disgruntled demeanors. Upon sitting down with President Waldo Cruzaldo, it was learned the ducks discovered cold fusion technology and eradicated all known diseases on their own, but still have yet to solve their hunger crisis. “That’s why they come to the surface: To bathe in the duck pond and garner food from passing students,” Cruzaldo said.
The situation was later resolved when the leader of the Order, Kaiser Quacktimus III, was offered a staff position with tenure upon completion of the new College of Business and promised a student tuition hike to pay for a second duck pond in lieu of a new parking lot.
When criticized for the cannibalization of existing parking, Cruzaldo responded, “It was either that, or face enslavement of the human race by highly intelligent water-fowl. Besides, you can ride your bike to school if you’re torqued about parking.”