Getting serious about playing rough

“My girlfriend has gotten into reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” lately, should I be worried about her wanting to do the stuff in that book?”


Ah “Fifty Shades of Grey,” the new punchline in popular literature. The book has made quite a splash for its depictions of BDSM, that is, Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism. Strange as it may sound, BDSM is more than just fodder for erotic fiction and Rihanna songs. These sexual activities are quite common, and have much different connotations than you might think. Here are some common misconceptions about BDSM:


“Isn’t it just straight up abuse?”


On first glance, yes, biting, scratching and striking your partner sounds abusive, but the key difference here is consent. Couples often find inflicting pain on one another is a turn on. An abuser only thinks of his or her own feelings meanwhile consensual BDSM activity has both partners concerned for the wellbeing and safety of each other. The golden rule of BDSM is SSC: Safe, Sane and Consensual.


“Isn’t it degrading to women to do these activities?”


In BDSM, typically there is someone in the dominant role and the submissive role, or alternately; top, bottom and switch. Believe it or not though, both genders can take on either role. Many couples alternate, so a woman may concede power to a male partner one night, but switch to dominate him the next.

“But why would someone want to take the dominant role? It sounds like something a jerk would do.”


Actually, the person in the submissive role sets the parameters for what activity is done and how far it goes. Submissive partners often demand what they want done to them. The dominant role is not about inflicting harm, but pleasure. In this aspect, BDSM is no different than any other form of sexual activity: Two (or more, if you really want to get kinky) partners seeking to pleasure themselves and each other.


If you and your partner trust one another, BDSM might just be worth trying. A little rough play can add some spice to your sex life. Start small with some playful biting or scratching, or maybe even head over to Erotique and grab some handcuffs. You and your partner may just discover the thrill of blurring the lines between pain and pleasure.