Scandal erupted on Facebook this week as evidence leaked that cute-nerdy-girl-in-your-Chem-lab Hannah Crash fabricated her fiancé, whom she claimed was a Navy Seal Muay Thai Master fighting Veloci-Yetis in Antarctica, as a ruse to throw off attention from lonely nerds.
Crash, who enjoys “Assasin’s Creed” and the occasional “Dungeons and Dragons” game, defended her actions, saying she had to do something to throw off the neckbeards who inevitably creep on her when they discover she plays video games. She declared enough was enough when her fourth stalker this semester disguised himself as a floor mat to get close to her during her afternoon workout.
The news broke when sources close to Hannah witnessed her posting a status about roundhouse-kicking Kim Jong Un in the face on the account supposedly belonging to her fiancé. The news was made public when the anonymous source declared her findings on the Montana State University Confessions Facebook page, after which mass public shaming commenced.
Crash is rumored to be working on her next lie to deflect unwanted attention, supposedly involving renouncing all ties to this material world and becoming asexual.