How the Griz Stole Christmas

All the Cats up in Bozeman
Christmas joy filled their town.
But just over in Missoula,
It was nowhere to be found.

They were knee-deep in scandal,
Enrollment was down.
Monte’s big mascot smile,
Was a big Christmas frown.

The Griz hated Christmas,
the whole Christmas season!
Now please don’t ask why,
we don’t want to get into the reason.

Monte wasn’t a Scrooge,
No, not at all.
The Griz team’s big problem?
Their ethics were two sizes too small.

From atop Mount Sentinel,
In a house filled with rats,
He stood there on Christmas Eve,
Hating the Cats.

Those Cats down in Bozeman,
Honored traditions of old,
Decking the halls
With Champ’s blue and gold.

“And they made the playoffs!”
He snarled with a sneer.
“And too soon it’s Christmas,
“It’s practically here!”

No longer could he stand,
To hear the Cat-kids sing.
He thought to himself,
“I must stop this whole thing!”

‘Twas not very long
Before the Griz had his scheme:
Oh this Christmas caper
Would involve the whole team.

As the Bozeman sun set,
They crept into town.
The Griz smiled, for he knew
Those Cats were going down.

Into our campus those mean ol’ Griz snuck.
They stole presents and egg nog and even the ducks!

They took stockings and Santas and all of the beers.
“Come Morning,” said Monte, “We’ll bathe in their tears.”

Their steal spree went on, the Griz hubris stemmed.
No one would guess it would come to an end.

On a house on Koch Street they filled their karmic cup.
Outside there were sirens, “Come out! Hands up!”

But that Ol’ Monte he could only guffaw.
“We’re a football team, above the law!”

The cops charged the house, but Monte yelled, “Fight to the death!”
“Those pigs won’t stop us, until our last breath!”

And though they fought back,
Oh they fought tooth and nail,
That Monte spent Christmas
In a stone cold jail cell.