More trees on the chopping block

Amidst the recent concern that the new College of Business building will result in the destruction of a grove of large trees north of Wilson Hall, university officials announced Wednesday that more trees are now planned for removal.

Student senator Eric Meanswell released the information over Twitter, stating “all trees over 6 inches in diameter are being removed from campus. I was opposed at first but after a presentation from administrators the senate is unanimously in favor!” The trees will be removed over the next two weeks and sent to a furniture manufacturing facility in Colorado owned by MSU alumnus Jake Jabs, where they will be turned into desks and benches for the new College of Business.

Hack Emdown, chief architect of the new building, realized the potential of the trees. “Halfway through the planning process, I noticed we could upgrade from silver to gold LEED certification by using the trees on campus. It’s great to use the trees for a higher purpose,” Emdown said. He also noted students will enjoy sitting in chairs made from trees their great-grandfather may have planted.

The tree removal fits into the university’s 75-year master building plan “to have a pedestrian-friendly campus,” said MSU president Waded Cruzado. Dean of Students Matt Caires elaborated, saying “the long-term goal is to have no green space. Studies show students can move faster between classes with no trees or grass in their way.”

Many students are upset with the recent decision. “We’re talking about unchecked aggression here dude, those trees really tie the campus together. This aggression will not stand,” MSU student Jefftree LeafBowski said.

Other students remain on the fence. “I love green. I’m all about trees. But have you seen that show Ax Men? I love that show. It’ll probably be fun to watch the trees fall,” Xury “Fratcat” VanderWey said.

In response to student backlash, senator Meanswell replied “I don’t see why people are upset. We had half a dozen open forums on the subject with almost no student attendance. If they didn’t hear about it, they probably need to pay better attention.”

As of publication, there have been no announcements for further planning sessions to address student concerns.