Sexponent: Givers and takers

Q:  Why are casual sex partners so hard to find? I’m a “pitcher,” but everyone else wants to be a pitcher, too. Help!

A:  We’ve all been there. You find yourself in a rather cozy situation with a guy ― in his room, fooling around ― and things are going so fast there’s hardly time to breathe. However, things come to a screeching halt with the unfortunate realization that you both want to, ahem, be the “pitcher.”

If you’ve experienced this sexual misadventure, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are ways to make sure it never happens again. You just have to be willing to take a few chances.

First of all, you’re right, noble questioner. These days we feel like we’re pressured to “specialize” and either “take it” or “give it” ― not both. However, versatility in the bedroom is a valuable skill that is becoming ever more respected. There are ways to “practice” both ways, of course, but we won’t mention those here ― that’s what the internet is for.

When the day finally comes, you may feel as useless as a white crayon if it’s your first time. But it’s very simple ― you just need to go slowly and relax. Don’t be an amateur and jump in too hastily, or ― as a certain cartoon ski instructor once said ― “You’re gonna have a bad time.” You or your partner may end up doing something uncomfortable, and as a result, ruin sex for all of eternity.

Once you’re ready to go the whole way, communication is absolutely essential. If you’re the pitcher, you must first get your partner as comfortable and soothed as possible. Caress him softly, engage in foreplay, light some vanilla incense, throw on some Enya ― just do whatever it takes to get your partner to relax.

And if you’re playing catcher, remember:  You’re in control. Make sure things are slow enough to be comfortable, and never, ever be afraid to stop.

While you may not win any talent shows, having the skills to go both ways means you’ll be far more likely to have a satisfying sexual experience. Good luck, and may Eros be with you.