Shantytown constructed to deal with housing overflow

After struggling to contain the on-campus housing shortage, Residence Life announced their new overflow solution this week: a shantytown housing option, tentatively known as District M, to be built in the F Parking Lot behind Brick Breeden Fieldhouse. This move was described in a press release as, “An exciting new housing opportunity to offset overflow until a new residence hall can be completed in 3027.”

Students assigned to this housing option are tasked with building their own shelters with scrap material provided by local landfills as part of a green initiative to promote recycling. Some of the materials available include discarded tin, cardboard boxes and cow dung generously donated by local ranchers. Firewood will also be provided for bonfires to keep warm in winter.

To deal with the unique nature of this housing option, assignment of Residence Advisors is left to the students themselves. The position is filled by the winner of a fists-only brawl to the death amongst all interested applicants, after which the winner is gifted a Conch Shell to designate their authority. Roommate disputes can be settled at either the RA’s discretion or via Russian Roulette.

Worth noting, however, is that District M costs the same as any other on-campus living option. The money is needed to fuel helicopters for weekly airdrops of food and other supplies.

The establishment of District M has generated both criticism and praise. Parents have expressed worries about their children living in substandard housing. The press release countered this criticism by stating the housing is only as good as the students make it.

College Republicans praised District M as a great way to teach students to be self-sufficient. As club president Carl Chad said, “It’s about time these gutter punks coming to Bozeman learn to fend for themselves and not rely on handouts.”

As for students being moved to District M, they have no choice but to make the best of the situation. British exchange student Donny Fishanchips proudly proclaimed, “I’ll get to experience America just like the Donner Party did!”