Convention analysis: who wore it best

As the whirlwind surrounding the Democratic and Republican National Conventions dies down, the question on everybody’s minds is who will win Americans’ hearts and who has already won their envy. Voters everywhere are heatedly debating whose suit-tie combos most poignantly popped. The easiest way to an American’s vote is through his or her sense of style, and no one is showing up to these red-or-blue carpet events in their grandfather’s suits.

So how do our candidates stack up?

Romney made a splash during his speech at the RNC with a red tie that wowed the crowd and proved ol’ Mitt knows how to liven up a party. A few observers, however, became nervous that the flair would excite the Tea Party supporters a bit too much, who are “known to attack at the flash of red,” stated Republican moderate Milly o’Middle.  To cool things off, Paul Ryan stepped out in a blue tie that made his eyes pop and sparkle throughout his fiery speech, which makes this reporter wonder if he can possibly take a backseat to Romney. He has no choice, however, because Romney’s resilient hair doesn’t back down for anyone — not even a dashing running mate sporting a matching lapel pin.

Not to be outdone, Obama flaunted his own presidential style at the DNC a week later, filling out his customary navy suit with a panache that only Barack can muster. His blue and white striped tie lightened the mood, while the wisps of gray in his hair added an air of seriousness to his speech. Obama certainly gave me hope for a fabulously fashionable future, as long as he doesn’t change that suit.

One DNC standout was Bill Clinton, whose infamous good looks — which have earned him some trouble in the past — were highlighted by his red and blue tie. Speculators wonder if the past few years have been hard on Clinton, who seemed stockier than usual. “I thought old Billy would have a trick or two up his sleeve,” Democrat Demi Donaldson commented, “But his sleeves were kind of tight-fitting, so I guess he didn’t have any room.”

The clear winner of the two-week flurry was Vice President Biden, whose red-striped blue tie meshed perfectly with his all-American charm and perfected comb-over. As political pundit Perry Peterson stated, “With style like that, who needs to buy votes?”

When asked if they helped dress their husbands for the event, both Michelle and Ann dismissed the query and began talking tax reform and job creation. Clearly, women don’t know anything about running a country.